Hey you....

Reading away....I'm more than likely going to make your eyes roll. Yet, for some reason I don't a give a shit, or a flying fuck.

Back when I was a wee one, (in my late teens, before 21...) I wrote about anything and everything. With a pen.
I'm so old, this was before the internet was huge and blogs were the norm.....

So God Bless my laptop..

I have noticed a trend with my current writing. I write when I am either so fucking pissed and hurt, or so in love/lust. From high to low low to high....

Never about the everyday fucking shit that just makes me wanna puke my guts out. Oh no....Always about some dude that laid me oh so right, or some dude that just didn't.....

I don't mention love. I don't think I have ever been in love. Not yet, at least. I still have hope!!

But LUST.....Oh boy ole boy do I know how to fucking fall into lust.......And I don't mean checking out the hot ass
model on the new CK undie ads......

There are guys who find me attractive and I just kinda go, ah no thanks. But at this point in my life, I am becoming less picky..

I just want to feel good. There is too much going on with my life. I need some escape and I don't feel like
trolling the bars to find a nice fuck. So of course I go online!!!!

Have I had much luck with it??? NO, not really.......Yet, there I go still trying to find pleasure at pleasure.com. No not a "real" site I frequent, and if it's real, this is a disclaimer.

More like something that rhymes with "gregslist". Yeah you know the one. We've all been there!!!!

I've met several guys on there. Chatted with many, kissed a few, fucked 2.....All safe, yet unsafe for the heart...
I did not fall in love with any, 1 I actually fell deep in lust with one. Of course I didn't even fuck him. It didn't work out. Obviously, since I met him on fucking "Gregslist". Only motherfuckers on there on married/attached men or pros who know how to make a dime...

I am the lonely, horny ass 33 yr looking for a great fuck, without fucking headaches.....

I not only got headaches, but fucking migraines.....Dios mio!!!

To be frightfully honest, all I want is to get laid so damn good. And I can't even find that!!!!!!!

These men have issues....Claim they want sex, with NSA. Yet, they have kinks that they want you to bow to, before they even fucking lick your pussy.....

Men, have gotten so freaking greedy. What about pleasing the woman, then she'll pretty much do whatever you want!!!

You want a women to perform "special" acts for you, hire a fucking pro. Or shit, pay me!!!! The economy is rough and tough now!!

But don't give me bs, that you only want to please me, make me feel great and make me....well you know!!

This last guy... I actually put an ad out. Looking for someone to make me feel good, no hassle, no weird kinks(so I thought). I waded him out from like 50 replies I got from my no holds barred ad.

I didn't mention kinky sex, nor kinky anything. After chatting for hours upon end, he came over last night.....Let's just say we both discovered something, about myself, that is pretty fucking hot!!!!

But I didn't want to keep exploring that one thing.... I just wanted plain ole fucking sex!! Just a fuck!!!

Well, it didn't happen last night, somebody stuck their finger somewhere they shouldn't have and let's just say it wasn't pretty....Ewww!!!

Yet, you gotta hand it to the mo fo. He was persistant. Slick wanted to see me again, the very next day, no less. Because of my "special"talent I'm sure .

Well, he came over tonight. Same shit, different nite. Yet, he brought his video camera thinking, he would tape my "special" talent.

He was so drunk, in the middle of kissing he fell asleep. I mean he literally dosed off.....
I left him alone, snoring in my room for over an hour.....

Then bam he woke up, ready to have me do things to him. Say what....What about me???

After all of the chatting and acting like a big fucking seductress, my big ass, still did not get laid!!!!

I also did not lick his asshole and the various other kinks he wanted me to perform on him. Puhlease baby, you don't lick the kitty, you don't get anything special from me.......

He didn't film me. He said next time. I was like oh hell motherfucking noooo next time!!!

HERE I GO AGAIN. WITH MY CONSTANT YEARNING TO KNOW WHAT GOES ON IN PEOPLE'S BRAINS AND SO CALLED HEARTS.

LAST WEEK I TOLD MY BEST FRIEND WE NEEDED SPACE FROM EACH OTHER. IN REALITY WE HAD SPACE ALREADY.

WHENEVER I TRIED TO MAKE PLANS, HE'D BLOW ME OFF. USE HIS JOB AS AN EXCUSE. THE WORSE WAS WHEN HE WOULD INVITE ME OUT, THEN BLOW ME OFF. I MEAN WE WOULD MAKE PLANS AND HE WOULD NOT EVEN CALL TO CANCEL.

I LET THIS GO. I LET HIM TREAT ME THIS WAY. WHILE HE WOULD BUY ME SWEET THINGS AND ALWAYS TREAT ME OUT, IT NOW FEELS LIKE COMPENSATION FOR JUMPING WHEN HE SAID JUMP.

HE IS A BEAUTIFUL MAN. ONLY NOW I AM SWIMMING IN SADNESS. THIS IS WHEN I NEED HIM THE MOST. I WANT TO CRY WITH HIM. HE USED TO MAKE ME FEEL LIKE IT WAS TRUE, OUR FRIENDSHIP THAT IS.

I WAS GETTING USED TO MAKING PLANS AND THEN NOTHING HAPPENING. ONLY LAST WEEK I INVITED HIM TO SPEND THE WEEKEND WITH ME.

HE WAS ALL FOR IT. THEN HE STABBED MY HEART. TOLD ME HE WOULD SEE ME ON SAT, BECAUSE ON FRIDAY HE WAS GOING TO "RAVINIA" CONCERT HALL WITH HIS BOSS.

IF HE HAD TOLD ME ANYTHING, ANYTHING ELSE, I WOULD NOT HAVE BATTED AN EYELASH. YET, ONLY A MONTH AGO HE INFORMED ME THAT HE BOUGHT ME A TICKET TO SEE FIONA APPLE ON FRIDAY AUGUST 10 AT, (YOU GUESSED IT RIGHT BABY) "RAVINIA" CONCERT HALL.

I WASN'T INCLUDED. I WAS HURT.

I AM TOLD CONSTANTLY THAT I GIVE AND GIVE TOO MUCH TO MY FRIENDS. THE VERY PEOPLE THAT INFORM ME OF MY "GIVENESS" ARE MY FAMILY. THEY DON'T COMPLAIN WHEN I "GIVE' TO THEM. BECAUSE THEY ARE "FAMILY."

AT THIS TIME IN MY LIFE, I AM SWIMMING IN SADNESS. I NEED MY FRIENDS. I'M SO NAIVE TO THINK THAT THE PEOPLE, WHO I GIVE MY TIME, ENERGY AND SOUL TO, HAVE NOTHING TO GIVE TO ME. NOT EVEN A LITTLE TIME.

WHENEVER I WENT OUT MY FRIEND IT WAS TO PLACES HE WANTED TO GO TO. I ALWAYS HAD A BLAST, BUT IT SEEMS THAT LATINA IN ME WANTED TO MAKE THE MALE HAPPY.

I SEE IT NOW.

GOTTA LOVE EMAILS. I TOLD HIM I WAS BUGGING HIM. THE CONSTANT PHONE CALLS AND TEXT MESSAGES. I NEEDED TO HEAR HIS VOICE AND GET HIS APPROVAL. I KNOW NO LOVE LIKE HIM. I SAID IF I SEEMED SELFISH AND ONLY TALKED ABOUT MYSELF, I'M SORRY. I TOLD HIM HE HURT MY FEELINGS AND WORSE OF ALL INSULTED THE LITTLE INTELLIGENCE THAT I HAVE. I MEAN WHAT AN AIRHEAD, RIGHT.

MAYBE SUBCONCIOUSLY HE DID THAT, TO GET RID OF ME. NAH, HE'S AN AIRHEAD.

I TOLD HIM I GET THE HINT, HE NEEDS SPACE FROM ME. I SHOULD HAVE SAID I NEEDED SPACE FROM HIM TOO, ONLY I'M TOO CHICKEN SHIT. I STILL WANT HIM IN MY LIFE FORVEVER!!!

THIS LIL DRAMZ HAPPENED A WEEK AGO. WHENEVER ANYTHING GOOD OR BAD HAPPENS, I CALL HIM ASAP.

LIKE MY SHAMEFUL CONFESSION. IT HAPPENDED LAST NITE. I CHOKED ON MY WORDS.

THIS MAN, NO BOY WHOM I'VE BEEN FUCKING FOR OVER 10 MONTHS. SHIT, THAT'S LONGER THAN ANY RELATIONSHIP I'VE HAD
!! OH WAIT THERE'S MY FEMME LOVER E. THAT'S BEEN OVER 4 YEARS.

I HADN'T SEEN HIM IN OVER 2 MONTHS. HE'S BEEN PLAYING GAMES WITH ME WAY, WAY TOO LONG.
HE WORKS FOR AN AIRLINE. WE MADE PLANS TO GET TOGETHER, THEN HE SENDS ME AN EMAIL THAT A PLANE WAS MAKING AN EMERGENCY LANDING WITH AN ENGINE BLOWN OUT...

MY SWEET BLOOD BEGAN TO TURN ROTTEN AS IT COURSED THROUGH MY VEINS. THEN I THOUGHT TO MYSELF, WELL WHAT IF IT IS TRUE AND I AM A HORRIBLE PERSON FOR THINKING BAD THOUGHTS. THEN I THOUGHT TO MYSELF THAT IT'S JUST ME. NO ONE WANTS TO BE WITH ME, UNLESS I AM VALIDATING THEM.

I SET OUT TO TELL THIS JERK TO STAY THE FUCK OUT OF MY LIFE. I MEAN THE GUY HASN'T EVEN LICKED MY CLIT "EVER" IN OVER 10 MONTHS....ISSUES, ANYHOO I SAT MY ASS DOWN IN FRONT OF THE T.V. LOOKING SCUMMY AND DRIKING YUMMY WINE.

THEN HE CALLS. HE ASK'S ME IF I STILL WANT HIM TO COME OVER. THERE GOES MY WILLPOWER. MY MOUTH STARTS SALIVATING AT THE THOUGHT OF HIS HUGE PENIS RUBBING MY CLIT AS HE FUCKS ME. YEAH, I AM A BIT OBSESSED WITH MY CLIT. I SAY YES. YES, CUM OVER AND FUCK ME.

I ENVISIONED THE SCENE IN MY HEAD. I WOULD BE IN SEXY BLACK HEELS, MY BEAUTIFUL DOUBLE DD'S GLEAMING IN THE NITE. AS SOON AS HE WALKED THROUGH THE DOOR, I WOULD JUMP ON HIM, HUG HIM, KISS HIM. ONLY I GREETED HIM LIKE AN OLD SCHOOL FRIEND. AS FOR THE HEELS, FUCK I DIDN'T BOTHER TO PUT THEM ON.

WHILE I WILL ADMIT TO A LOVELY BATH WHERE I BASCIALLY SHAVED MY BODY, I JUST COULDN'T PUT ON THOSE HEELS.

HE WAS TIRED, DIDN'T SEEM EXCITED TO SEE ME. IN FACT HE NEVER HAS. ONLY ONCE, BUT HE WAS DRUNK. THAT WAS THE BEST TIME I EVER HAD WITH HIM. NO INHIBITIONS. HE WASN'T AFRAID TO FEEL GOOD, OR MAKE ME FEEL GOOD.

HE WAS NEGATIVE THE MOMENT HE WALKED IN. I AM STAYING IN A HISTORIC HOME. THE FIRST WORDS HE UTTERED WERE, WOW THE THINGS I COULD CHANGE IN THIS PLACE.

USUALLY PEOPLE SAY "WOW WHAT A BEAUTIFUL HOME". I MEAN COMPLAINT AFTER COMPLAINT.

HE IS WORSE THAN ME. HE HAS BEEN HURT AND IS SUFFERING SO BAD THAT HE SEES NOTHING GOOD. ONLY BAD.

HE PERSUED ME, YET HAS NEVER ONCE SAID WHAT HE LIKES ABOUT ME. NOT MY MIND, NOT EVEN MY BIG TIT'S AND ASS. ANY INFO WOULD BE GOOD.

AFTER WE HAD THE WORSE FUCK EVER, I THOUGHT TO MYSELF, DAMN I AM HOT. I AM INTELLIGENT, SEXY, CARING AND FUNNY. DAMN, I WILL MAKE A GREAT LOVER/GIRLFRIEND TO ANYONE.

HE WAS HOLDING ME AND IT WAS NICE, BUT NOT RIGHT. I DESERVE SO MUCH BETTER. HE HAS TAKEN SO MUCH OF MY TIME AND ENERGY. HE IS NOT EVEN AWARE OF IT.

HE'S SWEET, I KNOW. HE WANTS TO BE LOVED AND LOVE SOMEONE. HE IS GETTING A DIVORCE, AND NOT EVEN A HOT, NICE GIRL LIKE ME CAN GET HIS ATTENTION. ONLY IT'S HIS LOSS, NOT MINE.

I KNOW HE HAS ALWAYS CARED FOR ME, BUT I WANT LOVE AND DEVOTION. HE CAN'T GIVE THAT TO ME.

I SOUND SO SAD, BUT REALLY I'M NOT.

THIS IS A SITUATION WHERE I WOULD JUST CALL UP MY BEST FRIEND AND VENT. I AM MUCH MORE SAD, THAT I TOLD HIM WE NEEDED SPACE. HE'S MY LOVE AND ONE OF MY SOUL MATE'S. YES, I SAID SOUL MATE'S!!!

Ok, honey this is not the reason I am so upset. Well he's a part of of my madness. But I am letting go. I mean I am like so hot and sexy. Why am I waiting for this complete dork to call me when he wants to fuck? Yet, when I try and get the ball rolling. Nada. Nilch!!

I am housesitting. I have the house to myself!!! I invited him over not once, but twice this weekend!!

Of course because he was all drunk and horny last nite he said he would come over today. Sending me explicit messages, of what he was going to do to me!! He's watched way too many porn films!!!!

Well his tummy aches. Thats the fucked up excuse he gave me when I asked if he wanted to come over to play. He is such an ass.

Anyhow. As I churn out my anger towards him, I just texted him. I'm always lying to him. Telling him, I'm on a date or at a bar surrounded by men.

That seems to get him going. Aye. Aye!!!

I have this great line from a book I just finished yesterday!!

The Memory Keepers Daughter, Kim Edwards.

"She didn't love him and he didn't love her;she was like an addiction, and what they were doing had a darkness to it, a weight."

The book was great, but that line. There is no other line I would quote from that book, except that one.

I put myself into these silly dramas. I know I do.

I have no control over this man. He is unattainable. Now he's single. In the midst of a divorce. Don't know if it's my doing. Don't care really. But I really wanted to have a sexual relationship with him.

He pursued me. He wanted to escape. I needed someone, besides my V to explore with. But he is distant even with that. We've never gone out on a "date", he's never taken me to a bar or club. I don't ask him to. What I ask him to do is play with me. Fuck me. But he only comes when he's initiates. When I ask, something's always up. He's sick, or just doesn't even respond.

I've let him get away with this shit for over 8 months. Shit, that is a long ass time.

My self esteem is low at this point. So it's so easy to just fall into his arms over and over. I don't have to work at it. I don't have to sell myself all over again. Going out on dates are like fucking interviews.

We knew what each other wanted. Sex. That's it. Though I think deep down he cares for me. But he is so fucked up over his soon to be ex. So he keeps his distance from me. He keeps me around, because I don't nag him. Don't pressure him to be my boyfriend.

I'm scared. He's been my friend for over 8 years. Then we became lovers. Once a month lovers that is!! Ha, ha.
I wish to keep him in my life. But I know if I send him this poem/letter is is just going to put me in the category as his bitch ex. I am most certainly not in the skank category.

I never expected him to take care of me. I never expected love from this. When he told me he wanted me. It felt so good. To be lusted after for a few years. Wow. I always thought he was sweet. In fact I thought we were such good friends, that I was actually hurt not to be invited to his wedding!!

Then on the negative side. He did a few bad things to me as a friend/Co-worker. I'll never let him live it down that he promised me White Sox/Yankee tickets then gave them away to a co-worker. All in my face. Wow, are these action of someone who wants to fuck me?? Ha, ha!!

It's because he was weak. He let these other co-workers bully him. And he gave in. He constantly gave in to avoid confrontations. He did not want to be disliked.

I'm sure his wife bullied his ass as well.

Now he's free, and I'm still being passed over. Oh god, that sounds like I want him.

In a way, I do. I don't envision us skipping in the park. I see us skinny dipping in the lake. I really thought we would have great sexual adventures together. So much for that.

If you happen to read soon, please let me know your thoughts.......

Gracias


Final D.H.

"She didn't love him and he didn't love her; she was like an addiction, and what they were doing had a darkness to it, a weight." Kim Edwards



Blown off.

I let you
win me over
again
with your words.

Descriptions
of pleasure,
of your desire
for me.

In a technical way
that is.
No actual conversations.
No professing of your
lust over the phone.

Ridiculous text messages.

Impersonal, yes,
so shy you, could relieve
your naughty thoughts
to me.

As my former work Superior
you knew you
could count on me.

Now when you want
to fuck
you can still count on me.

When I want to fuck
I always seem
to be disappointed.

You seek adventure.

You want fantasy's fulfilled.

I've tried to offer you both.


Adventure.

When you only fuck once a month,
(at your convenience no less)
it's hard to achieve it.


Fantasy.

For the 2nd time, I've had your fantasy,
waiting for you, as a surprise.

Inviting you several times
to a place
where you would
be King.

I kept it a secret.
I had to see if you would
come for me.

Not for the fantasy.

Now I know.

I know your life
is chaotic.

I don't claim
to know how you feel,
or what pain she's putting
you through.

I am not
asking much of you.

In fact I never asked anything from you.


You came to me.
I let you in.

No expectations from each other.

Whenever I ask a man if
"He'd like to come
over and play",
the answser is usually,
Yay.

I can't figure you out D.

Nor do I want to.

No more once a month
fucks.

You make me work
too fucking hard
them.

A fleeting fuck
without promises,
is suppose to
be easy.

It's your time
to be free,
to be selfish.

I'm tired
of begging
a selfish man
to please fuck me.

I was your friend
first
and I am your friend
last.


XT

Chessy, or not???

I'm not sending it yet.

I was extremly hurt. But I am sitting on it for a bit.

Love you baby!!

Xoch

THE DARK KNIGHT HIMSELF CHRISTIAN BALE IS IN CHI-TOWN FILMING THE SEQUEL.....OF COURSE I AM A LOSER AND HAVE NOT EVEN SEEN THE 1ST INSTALLMENT....L KICK MY ASS NOW!!!!!!

I JUST SAW "THE PRESTIGE" SUCH A FAB FILM. EVEN THOUGH I FIGURED OUT THE PLOT FROM THE GECKO.

C.B. JUST SEEMS LIKE HE WOULD BE SUCH A COOL FELLA. A BRIT WHO HAS LIVED AMONGST US YANKS FOR QUITE A WHILE. HE'S MARRIED TO ONE YOU KNOW. OH, I THINK IT'S COOL, AND I AM JEALOUS OF HER.

HERE'S TO BUMPING INTO THE DARK KNIGHT, ONE NIGHT!!!!!!

X

YOU WANTED ME. YOU GOT ME. NOW THAT YOU HAVE ME, WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO WITH ME?

I KNOW WHAT I WANT TO DO WITH YOU......

I know I only have one friend on here.

She knows me well. At least I like to think so. So it feels good that she is the only one that gets to read my mush. I mean am a grown woman, still acting like a teenage girl lusting over boys. They are men in age, but in life still boys. I am referring to the asses I've written about in LJ.


Here goes my poem, journal entry, total nonsense regarding D. By the way, I didn't even know friday was the 13th. So the nite makes sense now.

OUR FRIDAY THE 13th NIGHT AT A SEEDY MOTEL

For D.H.

It was short and yes it was sweet. I am still insecure about my body after all of these months with you. Six months to be exact. I know you like my body. You may possibly like my body more than I do.

I love your body. The thinness. The whiteness. The softness. I love to touch your birthmark that is on the lower right side of your stomach. Your body hardly has any hair. Are you really 28 years old? I love your lips. I love your tongue. I worship your hands.

Let's not forget your deliciously well endowed penis. That beautiful muscle that just keeps giving and giving me pleasure.

It was Friday the 13th.

That should have been the sign for us to remain under lock and key at our homes.

You hurt yourself earlier in the day helping out a friend. Where is the reward in that? Because the pain interrupted our fucking session.

You spent 80 bucks on a chessy space themed room. I didn't even get to use the spectacular strobe lights and go down on you. Uh uh, no way was Mr 13th going to let that happen.

My dumb ass wasn't in great shape either. In fact my dumbass should have been in bed, alone that is. I was suffering from the great common cold. But the minute you asked if I wanted to do something that evening, I made the cold disappear. Ok,I pretended it had disappeared.

The pain you unwillingly inflicted on yourself was too strong. You only fucked me once. The one time was enough for me. Honestly. Because You kissed me differently that night. No,I am not getting my hopes up. They were kisses of freedom. I mean we were in a seedy motel. We tried to be loud and free. Because you were in pain, we just laid there and stared into each others eyes. I could be so damn chessy and go on and on about your blue eyes. You say your eyes are to sensitive for contacts. I say that it's a shame to hide your pretty blue eyes with glasses.

You thought I was mad. Fuck, actually I was sort of glad. Cause I had brought my naughty school uniform. I was too sober to test those waters.

It was Friday the 13th.........We should have stayed home.

Instead the yearning to feel a warm body, caressing our soul's, even if for a short time was stronger, than staying home alone, on a friday nite.

I don't know what it is, but I can't upload a fuckin photo on this site for shit!!! I guess I am a major airhead. The sleazy sites like myspace make it easy for for peeps like me!!!

Well, I have this huge romantic, empty house to myself.

My family that work for is out of town. Serg will be joining me tomorrow for some girls fun!!

Maybe I'll even get my monthly booty call Dave to come.

He's getting a divorce by the way. Not because of me. Well, if I assisted in any way, he didn't tell me.
I didn't seek his soon to be ex out. I was getting strange phone calls before I heard the mass announcement of his divorce on text no less.

I had this great email saved that I was going to send to him. I gave myself too much fucking credit. I just felt bad that I loss a friend over this shit. She really wasn't a friend worth saving though. But how fucking funny that the reason I let her go was for fear that some big mouth was going to tell his wife.

Now he's going to be a 28 yr divorced man. By the way, never sent the email. I thought better to remain silent than make him think I pine for him every waking moment.

He called me a few days after he sent the text. We made boring small talk. Then he finally asked if I had read his text. I said yes and that i was sorry. He was like yeah right. I told him, I truly was.

Before we even touched, I never thought his wife was good enough for him. She was such a controlling hateful bitch. She thought she was untouchable. We all had worked together. He was a Manager, she a Supervisor and me well just me.

She used his position to get what ever she wanted. That abuse ended up getting her fired. He stayed with her and with the same company that had fired her.

He started to date her when she first started working for the company. She was pregnant, by some other guy no less. But he fell for her and stood by her. For that I will always think of him as a good man. Shit, men run away from kids and this one was was staying by her side with one in the oven.

She isn't beautiful. In the physical sense neither is he.

So I am so off from what I wanted to write.

I am analyzing his marriage too much.

I don't want to be his rebound. Do I even want to be his?? Call it what it is. A booty call. Yeah, he's been attracted to me for a long time. He had some sleazy chicks trying to seduce him at work, yet he chose me. What if I rejected his advances. What I just said ewww. But I thought of the sweet man part. How he acted when he was with her child. Aww!! I thought to myself, I want a man like that. Then. when he chased me, I felt on top of the world. Who cares if he wasn't Colin Ferrell, he wanted me. It had been some time for me. Yet, the fact that he admitted pining for me for such a long time, intrigued me.

I should have made him wait. By my problem has always been to please. And when it pertains to men in a sexual nature, the pleasing turns up tenfold!!

He wants me to supply him with his first 3some!! I said he needed to earn it. I said he isn't worthy of it, yet. I mean who in the hell does he think he is?? I told him, I didn't give my ex that fantasy, what makes him any different?

He came over last Friday/Sat. He just wanted to have sex. But being that I was out with some friends earlier and feeling quite buzzed. I mentioned the no 3some again. Then I believe I hurt his ego, by saying "There is nothing like a woman going down on a woman" He just stared at me blankly. He hadn't even given me head, yet. Now he more the likely never will. I just wanted to tell him that I didn't want him thinking he is the only one. I actually lied to him a few months back and said I was dating someone. When I mentioned that he pursued me even more. What a pig!!!

He told me I was the only one he had been with for quite a while.

Then again he's all talk. He's been telling me for a while that he wanted to suck my clit. Ah, 5 months later I'm still waiting for the BIG O!!!

Whenever I ignore him, sure enough he's sniffing around. But if I send him an email or a sexy photo I get silence.

The same ol cliches always apply with him. Show him interest and he'll run. Ignore and he will hunt you down.

Post coitus, in my euphoric state, I always send his ass a text about "How good it was" or "that I will suck his cock dry the next time I see him". Well nada last time.

The sex was fantastic. He is usually sober when we have sex. To me that is good, but I would always want him to warm up. Last week he had been out with friends. He asked me if I was still awake. I missed his message, but replied a few hours later. Bam, he was at my house within 20 mins!! The myth is that when men drink, they don't perform as well. Not. We went through 2 condoms and he flipped me all over the place. He was uninhibited. He was able to just fuck me. He was not shy at all. It was so fantastic. I only slept 3 hours. I was in such a happy state. Still am actually.

It's been a week since our tryst. I know it will happen again. My Serg says my pussy is just too good for him to stay away.

I would give all of this bullshit up to just have a nice boyfriend. I reaLly want one. He has too much baggage at the moment to make him a potential. Besides, I'm the sweet, sexy latina who will make all of his fantasies come true. I'm not nagging, I'm not pushing. I'm just fucking and sucking!!!

I love Sex!!!

2/10/07

I want his cock. I want to lick it, I want to suck it.

More than that, I want to own it.

Well he get the hint.

It has been such a bad week for me, I don’t even want to mention it.

But I say it because, more than ever I want to fuck him. I don’t even want to talk, just fuck.

When he arrives I won’t even give him a chance to take off his clothes.

I’m going to unzip his pants and go down on him. I will lick and suck his beautiful cock. When a cock is beautiful, I want to make it my whole world.

I really haven’t gone down on a lot of men. Only men I was involved with or wanted to be involved with. Doesn't make sense, huh?? Well one nighters didn't get a taste of my tongue on their cocks.

Numero uno Louie. He was my first blow job. I was always sober. It was always yummy. It made me so fucking happy to make him cum. I wanted to love him, that I even swallowed.

Well I’m getting off the subject.

I need David to fuck me. No promises of love. No promises of any kind, except that we both cum. Our only goal is to make each feel good. I want him to bend me over my bed and fuck doggy style.

I want him to sit on my bed. I will get on my knees and pull out that beautiful cock. I’m so fucking hungry. I need him to feed me. Feed me with the luscious cock. Then I want him to cum in me. I want to savor his cum, then drown in it. Cum in me. Cum in me....

For a moment,
You fucked it all away.
The stress,
The anxiety that
I let eat me away.

It returns,
The pain
but
I have the our images.

Your cock conquering my pussy,
Like it was the end of the world.

My mouth devouring
Your cock,
Like it was the first meal,
I’ve had in days.

I’ve been lonely.
I’ve been hungry.

Sappy love,
What bullshit.

It only makes
Sloppy sex.

I want my fantasies
Played out.

I am sick of requests
From men
To “make their dreams
Come true.”

Fulfill mine.
Fill me in.

Then just maybe
I’ll work
On making
“Every guys dream”
(straight, that is)
Come true …….


3/12/2007

I really don't know what to write about.

There are so many things brewing this empty head of mine.

The worrying of what David thinks of me is somewhat subsiding. He pursued me. That's what I have to keep telling myself.

Why I don't think this fling is far from over, I don't think I will lose any sleep if he doesn't text, call or page me anytime soon.

I went to stand in line for Washington College to try and register. Though I need to go back I felt I made a few tiny steps towards progress.

I was sitting here thinking thoughts of David. I was trying to write something erotic and sensual. But to be quite honest, he hasn't produced any poetry from me. I tried, but nada nothing.

If it happens again, I'll be write back here making an attempt.

CAN'T BELIEVE IT HAS BEEN SO LONG THAT I HAVE BEEN ON LJ...........

OK, I HAVE TO ADMIT A SECRET HERE!!!

I SIGNED UP TO A SINGLES PAGE. I AM NOT GETTING ANY YOUNGER WAITING AROUNG. "SOMETIMES"!!!

STAY TUNED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

z

Sometimes You Can't Make it On Your Own

U2

Tough, you think you’ve got the stuff
You’re telling me and anyone
You’re hard enough

You don’t have to put up a fight
You don’t have to always be right
Let me take some of the punches
For you tonight

Listen to me now
I need to let you know
You don’t have to go it alone

And it’s you when I look in the mirror
And it’s you when I don’t pick up the phone
Sometimes you can’t make it on your own

We fight all the time
You and I… that’s alright
We’re the same soul
I don’t need… I don’t need to hear you say
That if we weren’t so alike
You’d like me a whole lot more

Listen to me now
I need to let you know
You don’t have to go it alone

And it’s you when I look in the mirror
And it’s you when I don’t pick up the phone
Sometimes you can’t make it on your own

I know that we don’t talk
I’m sick of it all
Can - you - hear - me – when – I -
Sing, you’re the reason I sing
You’re the reason why the opera is in me…

Where are we now?
I’ve got to let you know
A house still doesn’t make a home
Don’t leave me here alone...

And it’s you when I look in the mirror
And it’s you that makes it hard to let go
Sometimes you can’t make it on your own
Sometimes you can’t make it
The best you can do is to fake it
Sometimes you can’t make it on your own

THIS SONG IS SO BEAUTIFUL. THEY DESERVED ALL OF THEIR AWARDS THE OTHER NIGHT. I AM A COLDPLAY FREAK, BUT MY HEART BELONGS TO U2. I AM SO CLOSE TO MY FATHER, SO THIS SONG BRINGS ME TO TEARS. I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M GOING TO DO WHEN HE PASSES. HE'S NOT SICK OR ANYTHING, BUT LET'S BE REALISTIC.

I LOVE, LOVE MUSIC. THIS SONG IS PERFECTION.............

Coldplay,Coldplay,Coldplay and oh did I mention Coldplay. I fell in love with Coldplay when I saw them in Dublin, Ireland over 3 years ago. I had a great weekend with a fine Irish Man. The weekend ended with the Coldplay concert. To me Coldplay represents freedom. I let go of my inhibitons and had the best time if you know what I mean. That weekend cleared my head amongst other things.. I will be forever grateful to "My Irish Man" and "Coldplay". Ah, I'm getting chills just thinking about it.

Besides all of the lust and longing the Coldplay conjures up inme, they are a pretty fucking great band. I cannot wait to see them in concert, again.

Still trying to figure out this LJ thingy. What I mean is that I obviously do not have any idea how to upload photos onto this thing. It may just be my computer. Nah, it's me.

Listening to Depeche Mode at the moment. "I want it all". What a great fucking song. "I'm ready , but no willing to give myself to you".

They may be older. They stilL overpower me. Like when I was 15 years. Still innocent wanting love, lust. To be loved and to love. Here I am still searching for that love lust.

So many times I was in lust. Not once have I been in love. Love from afar possibly. Seriously the one boy that comes to mind is Louie. I gave alot of myself to him. I picture myself meeting him sometime in the future. I don't know if I will throw myself at him, or fuckin smack him for not grabbing me. Should I have fought for him? Should I have saved him? Nah. He needed to save himself.

When I think of him, I will always have a smile. When I used to kiss him and touch him, I would be in a daze for hours. I was in love/lust and obsessed with him. I can honestly say that when I was "with" him, I thought about him every day. I would tell myself not to think about him. But I couldn't help it. I wanted him so bad. When he paid attention to me, I would just push him away. I was scared of him loving me, when that's the one thing I wanted from him. I seriously would have died for him, then that is.

I know I deserve better. I just have to stop comparing all men to him. We'll see. You never know what will may happen.

At the time he was beautiful and lost to me. I wanted to devour his beauty and save him. Ah, Louie, Louie. It's 4 in the morning and you are all I can think about.

"I see a River, it's Oceans that I want...." "Sometimes I try, Sometimes I lie with you, Sometimes I cry, Sometimes I die, it's true."

Well here we are the first day of the new year.....I have already created a mini drama for myself. I went thourgh hell and back for a bootycall.

So I hadn't had sex in 2 years. When I hooked up with "Jay", (Ok not his full but his nickname, we will use) it was great adn refreshing. I mean there is a big difference of having sex with a 22 yr old than a 30 yr old. The was the age of my ex. Now I am 30 and sex with a 22 yr old was what I needed.

So we played with each other and he played mind games with me. I just wanted a fuck, not a boyfriend. This sick puppy has a girlfriend and when she started to call me I covered for his ass. I told her we were friends and nothing more. I was pissed at him, not at her. I tried calling him to tell him off. So I sent a text saying I could have done damage. She called and left me a message as if I owe her. I should of been honest with her!! Get the fuck outta here. She needs to talk to her man. I had a friend call her to tell her to leave me alone. That was 2 months ago. All peaceful. Jay's sister-in-law was at New Years eve party with me. She wasted no time in asking me what's up with me and Jay. I said nothing. They she starts saying that his girlfriend is the sweetest girl. She had the nerve to tell me that I was a bad girl for messing around with Jay. I was livid! I was beyond pissed off. Then she blamed our mutual friend for what happened between me and Jay. My Friend had a pretty traumatic summer with her boyfriend. This Evil chick said she believes in Karma and basically said she had it coming. Ok I fuck her brother-in-law and my friend is to blame. What world does this chick come from?

I was drunk and pissed. So I sent Jay a text saying Happy New Year... I knew he wasn't going to reply. Deep down I wanted to talk to her girlfriend. I don't want anything to do with this guy anymore. But his sister-in-law just fuckin pissed me off. Blame me fine, but to blame my poor friend whose home she was in was just down right low.

So the "Sweet" girlfrind calls me and leaves me a message to stop texting him. We made it pretty clear that we did not want to talk to each other. Then the lil bitch call me again and says she wants to make sure that I get it cleared that Jay wants nothing to do with me. The fucking bitch said on the voicemail that I have a learning disabilty. Bitch, I don't have a learning disabilty, I just picked the wrong guy to Fuck!!!!

I know this is petty, but I am not going to let this girl think she told me. At this very moment Jay is practicing with his band. I could call her up and tell her everything. There would be a major scene and so forth. But I will let her have her mini-victory. Tomorrow is different. I'm going to call her and tell her everything. I also heard this fucking jerk is fucking around with another girl. Yeah, he wants nothing to do with me cause he has someone else. I know L is saying that I am vindictive. You know what I need this to end. I need to tell this silly thing everything. He is sick and plays games with people. I also don't need his sister-in-law portraying her as a martyr.

I talked to my friend and she thinks I should do it. Deep down I know it's wrong, but the whole situation was wrong. I can't go back in time and change things. All I wanted was to get laid and have fun with a 22 yr old. He did manage to fuck with my brain for a while. Look he is still doing it.......

Waiting fo my Lauren Pooh to come visit. Maybe she can cheer up this household. The holidays only bring out the worse in people. Too much stress. Too much of everything, then it's never enough!

SEE WHAT FEW BEERS DOES TO YOU. YES, I HTOUGHT I WAS DONE, BUT HELL A BOOTY CAL IS A BOOTY. THE SEX IS AMAZING AND MAKES FOR INTERESTING CONVERSION....

I AM STILL IN LUST WITH LED ZEPPELIN AND THAT WAS A PLAY ON WORDS FROM ONE OF THEIR SONGS. HAD MIND BOOGLING, WAS FLOATING ON AIR SEX!!!!!! ALL N ITE ONG!!!!!

I HAVE YOU PICTURE IN A FRAME!!!!!! I AM STILL WORKING ON YOU PACKAGE. YOU KNOW I AM SO FUCKING BEHIND WITH THINGS!!!!

I am so lost. I am gonna leave him. I said. I am gonna leave him. You know that you got me drooling. You got me loving you, oh yeah. I believe I am loving you.

Last week. I died, then I became this free soul... In and out, in and out. No one heard the pleasure. Baby, baby. You think you have the words. You may think you have the power...

Baby.....baby....baby....baby....baby...oh yeah...baby!!!

It's calling me back home..........


Led Zeppelin Rocks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

What am I to you?? I can't think of any other words. I don't bug you, don't ask for your time. What is it that you think I want from you? I assume you think it all has to do with sex. Yes, it has to do with that and some more.....

Who makes you feel like I make you feel???

She is young..I am older. Did she go chasing after you?? I pursued you. It makes a big difference. Can you fuckin believe that a sexy woman like me, would want you??? Yes, cause you are phenomenal. You are exquisa Hnads, fingers,hands, tongues, your hands, your tongue in me....

What a site......